Years and years ago I read a few of the Alex Cross books and I remember enjoying them--for one thing, it was great having an African American detective. So I started reading Patterson again recently, and was stunned at how bad the books were.
I did some googling, and came across his boasts about how he "works" at synopses, etc. It shows. Yet it is obviously working for him. Aug 28, AM. I read one of his books years before Patterson was a "brand name" -- and was disappointed. Then I saw him all over the place and I couldn't figure out why. I did read the first Alex Cross book. The 3 page chapters, the poor writing, the predictable plot. Aug 29, PM.
I actually enjoyed the short chapters. Probably because I was in middle school and enjoyed the quick reads. It made the story feel faster and it was easy to stop at a chapter before going to sleep X3 Does anyone else like or dislike the short chapters? Jun 28, AM. I thought there must be two James Pattersons when I read a bit of 'Along came a Spider', the great writer I had heard all the buzz about and then the namesake who's book I had mistakenly bought.
I'm quite serious, the disconnect between the praise and the blurbs and the reality caused me to assume the dross I held could not have been penned by the great man. To be fair he may be an unmatched master craftsman of plot construction and tenter-hooking but the poverty of sentence to sentence writing ability makes it damn near impossible for me to get past the first chapter.
Jun 28, PM. If I wasn't stuck on a long flight with no other book to read, I would not have finished it. You can only read the Sky Mall magazine so many times. It seems to be science fiction by someone who has never read science fiction--whose entire idea of science fiction comes from a couple of bad '40s B movies.
For example, the main character's household servant android is named "Metallico. The dialogue contains lines like "Die, human scum!
At least he thinks he is. Elites are grown in tanks, so they don't have navels. This man, who is married and the father of two children grown in tanks, but he and his wife have still had sex , is revealed to be a mere human when he is injured and it is discovered that he has a navel.
That he is human is a total shock to him. The book is full of ridiculous situations and people. Scenes include him meeting an underground leader in a limousine--when it stops to pick him up, the leader is a sexy, naked woman soaking in a bubble bath. Yes, in the car. Apparently they do that sort of thing in the future. As is typical with the Patterson factory books, the chapters exceed a hundred.
I usually think they are doing that to give an illusion of moving quickly, but in this book, things jump around so erratically that it is clearly a necessity. The characters are flat, the plot is stupid, and the premise is silly and inconsistent. Elites are bad people because they despise and want to kill ordinary humans for being inferior. There are, however, intelligent, self-aware androids with human emotions, and bad guys and good guys alike kill them casually without a moment's reflection.
I liked Patterson back in the days when he was creating Alex Cross. Then, when I finished all of the series that has been written at that point, I forgot about him and didn't read him for a decade or so.
I started picking up some of these "collaborations" recently. I have found some of the factory books mildly entertaining, but after Toys, I am never going to risk another one. Life is too short, and Toys cost me hours of it that I'll never, ever get back. Sep 04, PM. So I've been under the impression that James Patterson is one of those quantity over quality writers and that was before I found out that he doesn't write his own books.
I attempted to read Maximum Ride and could not get past the first few pages. It was just that bad. I also noticed that he has commercials. You need to be on TV to sell your book? In addition, I was a little surprised to see him in the only episode of Castle I ever watched. I was like, why is James Patterson here?
Why not use an actual quality writer, like J. I guess they were too busy writing to appear on Castle. At least Castle had Michael Connolly, too.
Oct 05, AM. It isn't. Jan 14, AM. Read two books in the series. Both are total crap. Worst storylines,slow -paced,boring plots everything sucks. I guess this happens when you become a brand name and want to put your name on every other novel that you can find.
Jan 22, AM. You have plenty of company. Bill Morris is a staff writer for The Millions. He lives in New York City. In this respect it mimics death, which is both punctual and ruthlessly efficient in its demolitions. And the reason that 48 is old, of course, is that it is two steps from 50, which is not the new 20 or the new 30, but the old half-century mark, period. I proudly note that my crisis has not involved acting out cultural stereotypes — there have been no impulsive trips to the Corvette dealership or expensive gym memberships — but centers instead on Wikipedia entries and male celebrities over the age of Speaking of Charlie Rose , I know from Wikipedia that he was born in , which if you do the math makes him Being happily married I will never find out of course, but men — like their female counterparts — like to think they remain at least plausible to the opposite sex.
I flip from channel all the way up to and then to the chagrin of my lovely wife — who is not in the least alarmed I will soon be 40 — I descend back to , pausing briefly on ESPN to marvel at men who are forever in their prime. The crisis goes on like this night and day. There is the former Connection radio host Christopher Lydon 70 , my favorite literary critic Harold Bloom 80 — which means I could double my life, if I shared his longevity , former Bush press secretary Ari Fleischer 51 , British rocker Morrissey 52 , and on and on it goes.
Having read the novel Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates , I was immediately concerned that like the character April Wheeler, I was fantasizing about a magical life in Paris as a form of escapism. But before I could become too anxious about what it all meant, a factoid from the book hit me.
No need to worry. All of a sudden, we look up and see the lithe figure of Sofia Coppola and her husband, Phoenix front man Thomas Mars 34 , standing directly in front of our table. We invite them to sit down and Sofia explains how her next film is about an American in Paris. I hand the manuscript back to Sofia with red slashes and scribbled words. She pauses to scan my edits and is dumbstruck at my narrative instincts and ear for dialogue. Which—through eccentricity, incompetence, irresponsibility, megalomania, erudition or media savvy—could best attract the teeming hordes of online learners?
I present seven candidates. And yet he is not without potential for broader appeal. William Stone Stoner : Copulating Verbs. To a woman or to a poem, it said simply: Look! I am alive. His spiritual guide is William of Occam , whose eponymous principle holds that the simplest of competing explanations is the better. The problem for Hank is that he is in the middle of a giant farce, and in farce finding any explanation, however simple, for the multiplying mishaps is itself a tricky proposition.
Demonstrating how to be an effective negotiator in front a pool of reporters, he makes the following threat: Starting Monday, I kill a duck a day until I get a budget. This is a nonnegotiable demand. I want the money on my desk in unmarked bills by Monday morning, or this guy will be soaking in orange sauce and full of cornbread stuffing by Monday night. That he is wearing a novelty nose, and holding a goose instead of a duck, in no way diminishes the soundness of his strategy in dealing with benighted administrators or tight-fisted legislatures.
Then spit us out reborn. The unfortunate local man who is subsequently torn apart by the maddened cohort probably wishes they had majored in economics instead. Grotesque though they may be, they provide a creative outlet and demonstrate a kind of genius, both of which are lacking in his dissertation: The Economic Influence of the Developments in Shipbuilding Techniques, to Throughout he alternately dilated and crossed his eyes.
In it, players admit to not having read a canonical book. The winning player is the one whose selection has been read by the most number of other players. That is, the winner is the player who has demonstrated the most embarrassing gaps in his or her reading list. In the novel, a hyper-competitive professor cops to never having read Hamlet ; he wins the game but loses his job.
The Grapes of Wrath. This is anonymous, right? Thanks for this Bill. I find bad books good fun to read. On a more serious note: I think you are spot on, when you say that the problem is more a lack of readers than good writers. I know I may sound defeatist, but… At least they are reading something! And maybe their kids, who grow up surrounded by James Pattersons and 50 shades and the likes will start to read earlier and, mayhaps, at some point start with other things.
I wish I could agree with you that truly bad books can be good fun. I find them just plain painful. Thanks for reading. What amazes me is how Patterson has become the Thomas Kinkade of novel writing, and people still buy his stuff with both hands. A character driving one today might tell you something about that character, if you were prepared to listen. Ah, but the cruel irony is that a Patterson or a Sidney Sheldon, or a Kincaid are creating at the highest level of Patterson, Sheldon, and Kincaid-ness, which is no easily replicable thing.
Best to be oneself, and line up a day job, preferably one from which you can pilfer office supplies. I feel everything they feel, and therefore I think my readers care about them. To John T. Actually its production was discontinued 22 years ago, in So what is this fact supposed to tell me about the character of Geoffrey Shafer — that he has a thing for recently discontinued British luxury cars?
I stand by my original point, which is this: good writers use brand names in their fiction judiciously; lazy or overworked writers like Patterson use it indiscriminately, as a crutch. Have been musing a lot lately about the idea of rigor, and innate drive, built into the fabric of the human being. What pushes a Rudolph Nureyev to work through pain for the tiniest improvement to his dance as a year-old whose muscles are aching and becoming weaker each month?
An improvement that would likely be unnoticeable to anyone but him? I work with ESL students at a fairly advanced level who are driven to become the best writers Special Purpose English they can be. I was struck by his incredible drive to learn, to improve, and at how long and hard he worked on his writing. Can rigor be taught? Or is it innate in the writer? From my own perspective, if writing is your thing, how sad, how hard it would be to live with yourself when you knew very well you had had the capacity to do better but put out a shoddy product.
That you deliberately skimped on characterization, plotting. Added in generic background locations. Amazing imagery and emotional power. Very limited release, but available on cable, etc.
No one enjoys eating a plate of dog shit. Heck, if you think anyone who does like the noodles is an appaling, sub-human miscreant who cannot possibly understand taste, hygene, or the proper use of a garden spade, fine.
But admit to your snobbery. Own it. Be proud of it. Trying to create analogies to justify yourself cheapens everyone. I have no idea if I would like his work or not. Morris, Jaguar XJ12 production actually ceased in , with the X series.
I was thinking of the previous XJ40 series, which ended in You may be thinking of the Series 3, which indeed ended in And I too stand by my original points. When the XJ12 was discontinued is irrelevant. The point is that using brand names as shorthand for characterization is a mark of lazy writing. I have known two people who drove XJ12s: one was a wealthy LA film exec, a very nice woman, actually; one was a poor car enthusiast who had fixed up an old one in his free time.
I will, however, happily concede the point that there are far worse crimes in Mr. The problem with your stance is that a character driving a XJ12 will only tell you something about a character if you have any idea what the XJ12 is. So anyway, Rigor. Is it innate in the writer? Well, Patterson doesn't need any writing talent, because he doesn't write them. Ghostwriters do. Don't have any, but I simply can't believe otherwise.
He does employ a stable of writers. Illiterate hacks with the brains of spider monkeys. They used to work for the V. James Patterson does not write his own books, neither does Danielle Steel. The come up with an idea, then the product is produced. I was under the impression that Clive Cussler writes SOME of his own books, as he sometimes shows up in his books as himself to help out his hero and nail some blonde broad. The thought of Cussler and his pseudo cinematic hero nailing some broad astounds me by his flamboyant novels.
James Patterson VC Andrews with a penis and less talent. I have to admit I've never heard of James Patterson before - and I've not exactly led a sheltered life.
The comparison with Cussler, VC Andrews etc. Now that I know the name it will probably pop up everywhere and I'll become as aggravated as CliffBurns - not as entertainingly graphic perhaps Wow, Vivienne, I have tremendous admiration for anyone who's managed to avoid the ear pollution that occurs when that man's name is mentioned.
The most popular writer in the world, m'dear. And utterly devoid of talent. Which goes to show you, we are caught in a whirlpool, spinning toward the abyss Working at a hospital, it seems like every 5th person is holding either Extruded James Patterson Product TM or a book from the Twilight series.
I guess hospitals are like airports and drugstores in terms of literary offerings. If you want to be really depressed about the human intellect - work in a Charity Bookshop which resells donation from the public.
Acres of Patterson, acres of Grisham can anyone read that stuff? Nearly as bad as the fucking accordionist who has taken up residence in the street outside. Don't forget all those celebrity biographies. I can understand why people dump them, I don't understand why people buy them. I suspect most are bought new as presents - "let's see, what shall I get dad for Christmas?
I know, I'll buy him this book about this fuckwit braindead footballer who earns more money in a week not playing than my dad earns in a year Well, Auntie, that earned the first belly laugh of the day.
Actually, I find it a tad encouraging that all those Grishams and Patersons end up at the thrift shop. It tells you that the owners had little compunction re: dumping them, forged no attachment to the authors, it was literally a throwaway read. The books in my collection are precious and I couldn't conceive of giving them away or selling them to anybody.
I have an emotional and aesthetic bond to them that goes as deep as my soul. As for the accordianist, I can offer little solace Would explain the political supremacy of halfwitted political celebretards like Sarah Palin , Michele Bachmann, and racist heckler Rep.
Joe Wilson. You forgot one key ingredient in the depressing charity store bookshelves: the immediately obsolete "current affairs" books, ranging from the mediocre blatherings of radio talk show cranks to the latest faux-spirituality of free market amoralists. Almost makes one want to champion book burning, except that takes a lot of effort and coordination.
Moochers take their business seriously! And I've been able to weed Patterson out of existence for - how long has he been producing? I guess my years spent in a university library has protected me.
I recently bought The Da Vinci Code at a booksale. My husband read it and his cool "okay" has made me suspicious. Preferably a page where there's plenty of dialogue. But make sure you've got a syringe-full of Thorazine on hand, in case your laughter becomes hysterical. And since our broadcasters are statutorily bound to present all sides of the political spectrum, except those advocating violence, we don't get outright loons like Beck seriously, what is that man on?
Our loons stick to the newspapers. Unfortunately, most of the US politicians lack the social graces of Oswald Mosley and the innate patriotism of Lord Haw Haw Then again, these people are so functionally stupid, I'm surprised they can even tie their shoes. I'd never read any James Patterson but this thread made me curious enough to take 7th Heaven out of the library, just so I could see what all the fuss was about.
Unfortunately, I only got through about a quarter of it. Didn't care enough about the plot or characters to continue and returned it to the library. Borrowed Linwood Barclay's Fear the Worst instead and found it a much more entertaining read. Do all of Patterson's books have these ridiculously short chapters? For example, I never have any problems figuring out where I was last in Les Miserables since it's split in tiny sections.
I dislike Patterson, though, short chapters or no. The worst offender of using short chapters has to be Dan Brown. In his most recent, there was a chapter that was, literally, 9 lines long. Total waste of paper. Multiplied by the number of copies, that's pretty damn bad. I think everyone is entitled to read what they want to read. I read for pleasure and not to analyze every sentence. At least they are reading. Personally, I don't care for Danielle Steel or Harlequin romance, but that is no skin off my nose if someone reads it.
There are a good number of blank pages and might as well be blank pages scattered throughout Tristram Shandy , a recognized literary masterpiece. So blank pages can have a place. Mostly at the front and back of books. I don't have anything against short chapters in general, but all those short chapters without much content got annoying after a while.
House of Leaves had plenty of almost-blank pages, but they were a welcome relief at times. Since I haven't had the displeasure of enduring a Patterson book, I'll take your word for it. What irks me is when chapter length seems too "calculated," especially if an author is doing it to appease the geniuses at whatever publishing house.
In the words of Cheshire Cat: "When you come to the end, stop. I remember reading a few of the Maximum Ride series books on the recommendation of a cousin a few years ago. You must be logged in to post a comment. Sites at Penn State. I read all nine books. I loved them. Next post Sci-Fi and Diss-topia. Log in to Reply.
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